Co-worker is treating her stepson like a dog

Dear Pastor,

I am writing this article as the trusted confidant of a child who is being brutally destroyed.

He is the young stepson of a senior staff member in our office, who has shared with me the horrific details of the abuse he endures. What I have been told is unspeakable - all part of a much larger and terrifying pattern of cruelty. What I, and many others, have observed happening to this child is not just troubling, it is a systematic and deliberate campaign of emotional and psychological abuse. Here are the facts of the situation as we have observed them.

Public humiliation as a weapon: This young man recently graduated from primary school and is attending summer classes at his new high school. His stepmother forces him to attend these classes in his old primary school uniform, becoming a target for ridicule and bullying. When confronted about this, she says it is "mandatory school policy", a claim that is demonstrably false as no other student is required to do so.

Visible fear and degradation: When he is in our office, he is not a happy child. He is visibly distraught, flinching at her voice, and shrinking into himself. He is forced to wait silently while she eats, only to be given the scraps from her plate. To see a child fed like a dog in a professional environment is sickening and dehumanising. By feeding him her scraps, she is explicitly stating that he is inferior. This adds a layer of psychological torment to the core injustice.

The pain of isolation: The child's stepmother has severed all contact with his biological mother. In moments when she is not looking, he desperately approaches colleagues, pleading for a phone to hear his mother's voice. This act of cutting a child off from their primary source of comfort is a profound form of emotional torture.

Sabotaging his future: He has been enrolled in a technical high school, a place where he should be building skills and confidence, yet, his stepmother has reportedly chosen crocheting as his technical skill, a vocation that is guaranteed to make him a further target for bullying, setting him up for continued failure and social exile. It is a skill heavily stereotyped as feminine and associated with grandmothers and crafting circles. By forcing him into this class, she is intentionally marking him as 'other', 'weak', or 'girly' in the eyes of his peers. In the brutal social hierarchy of adolescence, this is akin to painting a target on his back.

This is her ultimate goal of this aspect of the abuse. By sabotaging his education and ensuring he has no practical skills, she is deliberately crippling his ability to ever become financially independent. A young man who enters adulthood with no job prospects, no self-esteem, and a history of being bullied is far easier to control. He will be less likely to leave an abusive home, less likely to build a life of his own, and more likely to remain under her thumb. The child often comes to the office with blatant and unmistakable marks of physical trauma. They are the clear, damning evidence of physical violence. They are the fingerprints of an abuser.

We are afraid of the senior staff member's power. We fear she will use her influence to sabotage our careers, to make our professional lives miserable. We weigh our own job security against a child's safety, and we have chosen our own comfort. This is a moral failing on our part. I am breaking my silence. We can no longer use fear as an excuse for our silence, for when the safety of a child is weighed against a career, our moral duty is clear, and our failure to act is a stain on us all.

Initial Withheld

Dear Writer,

I have withheld your initials so as to protect you. I am indeed very disturbed by your letter.

You say that the mother of this child is not having a relationship with her son because his stepmother is not allowing any contact with her. What I would like to know is where is this young man's father? If he is living at the same house, with his son and stepmother, he should be playing a big role in his life, and the stepmother should not be allowed to ill-treat his son.

Therefore, you and others should be encouraging this young man to tell his father what he is suffering at the hand of his stepmother. Those of you who know that the young man is being abused, should put away fear and report the matter to the Office of the Children's Advocate or the Centre for the Investigation of Sexual Offences and Child Abuse. If you fail to report this matter, you should consider yourself guilty of a serious crime.

Pastor