My husband promised to come back in six months - ... Four years later, he’s still gone

Dear Pastor,

I am 40 and I am writing to you for some advice. I was married and I have one child with my ex-husband.

The relationship was not good from the beginning. He was always accusing me of having other men. But I have never gone with another man since I got married. He was a very jealous husband. Whenever I left the home to go to church, he would tell me that I am going to see the pastor or the church brethren.

I did not have a car, so sometimes people would offer me a ride home. But I could not accept a ride from any of the men. Once I became ill, and I had to be at home, and the pastor visited. When my husband saw him, he told the pastor that I was resting. So the pastor told him to tell me that he came to see me. The pastor's wife was with him. After the pastor left, this man came in and told me that he just chased away the pastor, and he doesn't want him in his house. I felt very sad that this man didn't even want the pastor to give me a little prayer.

Man is so ungodly. This guy went to America and promised that he would be back within six months. It has been four years and he hasn't returned. He has found himself another woman and he called me and told me that he is not coming back. But I knew what was happening because people who knew him from Jamaica, told me that he was living with another woman.

You can call me a very unfortunate woman because I have found another man, but he wants to control me and I told him that cannot work. He wants to know every move I make and what I do with my pay. I don't ask him what he does with the money he makes. But every week he tells me about repairs he has to do on his pickup. He wants me to give him money to help him with repairs. He wants to move in with me, but I told him that I am not living with any man unless we are married. But I am not going to marry this man because he chats like a woman; he knows everybody's business. I cannot stand that.

This man has children, but you never hear him talk anything good about their mothers. I have paid off my house. I don't want anybody to live here who is not ambitious. I told him to sell his pickup and buy a new one. He wants me to give him money to do so. My son has respect for him, but I am not sure that my son likes him. I don't want to marry anyone who my son does not like. Although I would like to have a man in my life, I prefer to remain single until I meet a good man, but good men are very hard to find.

This man lies a lot and he smokes and I cannot marry a man who smokes.

T.T.

Dear T.T.,

You know that there are indeed good men in Jamaica; they may be hard to find but they are around.

What type of man are you looking for? Your former husband was a very jealous man. He did not trust you. He believes that all women are cheaters and only foolish men believe that. Now don't misunderstand me, some women cheat and they are very clever, but the same can be said of men. But that does not mean that all men cheat.

Your former husband had you in bondage and this present man wants to put you there as well. So this man will not make you a good husband. He is going to eat out your money, so don't even consider him if he proposes to you. It seems to me that all he has is an old pickup. You suggested that he should buy a new vehicle. Those words might have been music to his ears; don't say that to him again because he is going to insist that you give him half the money. Let the man buy his own vehicle. Don't buy anything with him. In everything you do, protect yourself and your son.

Pastor