My son saw me sleeping naked

Dear Pastor,

I am 25 and I live with my five-year-old son. When I became pregnant and I told his father, he said he had told me that he already has four children and he didn't want any more.

So I tried to remind him that he didn't want to wear the condom and I was on the Pill. But I forgot to take it many times. I didn't know that I could still get pregnant if I missed taking the pills for a couple of days. Before I got pregnant, this guy was very good to me. He used to give me money. I could always call upon him when I was broke. He knew I was assisting my parents. They did not have health insurance. My father has prostate problems. I could always talk to my child's father when I needed help. I knew he was living with one of his babymothers, but I did not make that bother me. But when I got pregnant, he stayed away from me. I had to beg him to give me money to prepare for the baby's birth. He also warned me not to register the child in his name, so I didn't.

When the child was born, I begged him to come and look at him. He came one Friday night. He gave me $20,000 and suggested that I put the child up for adoption. I told him that I might not get more children, so I will keep my son. He left and never came back. My mother took care of the baby while I went to work. I eventually told her that the father does not give me any help. Friends assisted me with baby clothes. There were times I had to ask my landlord to give me time to pay the rent and he was very patient with me. My son had his own room, but he always wants to sleep with me.

The main reason why I am writing to you is because I am so ashamed of what happened to me recently. If I am in my room and I do not have any clothes on, I lock my room door. One evening I came home from work and showered. I was so hot and tired that I lay on the bed nude. I forgot to lock my door and I fell asleep. I was laying on my back and my son came in the room and saw me. I felt him shaking me and I woke up. I was so ashamed because I know that my son should not see me in the nude.

I told my mother and she cursed me and told me that the little boy should not be blamed; I am too careless with myself. I told my son that he should not tell anybody that he saw me naked, but I know he is a child and he is likely to say what he saw.

I would like you to comment on what I have written to you.

L.J.

Dear L.J.,

Let me start by saying that you have been very fortunate to have your mother assisting you and friends who have given you clothes for your son.

It is unfortunate that the father has walked away from you and is not supporting the child. Yes, it is true that you were careless; you were on the Pill but you did not take it according to instructions. On the other hand, this man should bear some of the responsibility. He knew that he did not want more children, so he should have done a vasectomy. He is an irresponsible man and you are careless. Regardless, he should have been supporting his son.

Now concerning the incident you are concerned about. Again, I will have to say that you are very, very careless. Yes, you were very hot and you took your shower and lay on the bed, and you fell asleep in the nude. Some mothers wouldn't care whether their son sees them in the nude.

I remember talking to a lady whose grown son was living with her and she told me that she would just take off her clothes while they are there and her son won't even look at her. She would go from room to bathroom or kitchen in the nude. She said it didn't bother her and he did not look at her. I told her that in my opinion that was not right. Her son and her had a fuss one day and he slapped her in her face. I told this woman that she was partly to be blamed for his behaviour. He had no respect for her whatsoever.

I am sure that you told your son that you fell asleep. He is not going to forget that he saw you nude, but please don't allow that incident to cause you to fret. Just remember that you should not allow that to happen again.

Pastor