Keeping myself pure for Mr Right

Dear Pastor,

I am 19 and I grew up in a very strict religious family. When I was about 15, I started to rebel because I love to dance, but my parents did not allow reggae music to be played in the house, and did not want any of us to dance.

So I stayed at school after it was dismissed and joined a group where I was taught how to dance. I became every good at it. One of the girls took my shorts home and washed them for me, because I could not let my parents know that I had them. There was a young man in the group who was my dancing partner and this friendship developed up to when I was 17. We loved each other, and one day he squeezed a kiss out of me; it was my first kiss. Then he wanted to know when we could go out together alone. I told him that that would be impossible, so it took another year before I went out with him on a date.

My girlfriend who always keeps my clothes called my parents and told them that she wanted me to spend a weekend with her, and she set up the date for me with this guy. I was very nervous because I did not know that my parents would have agreed to let me go. My father drove me to her house the Friday evening after I went home from school. My date did not turn up the Friday night, but he was very much there the Saturday afternoon. He came on too strong. We kissed for a long time, but then he wanted to have sex, and I told him no. I tried to call my girlfriend, but he took my phone away and I told him, "If that is the way you are going to behave, I will never go out with you again." So I borrowed a phone and called my girlfriend and told her what was happening. I told her where we were and she came for me. I never went out with this man again. But I kept dancing with him, and my dancing improved. I joined another group and told my parents that I wanted to become a professional dancer. They told me that I am ungodly. But I am not ungodly, Pastor. Right now I am on a scholarship in Florida and I wish to become a medical doctor. I attend a church that is very lively, and dancing is allowed.

I am still a virgin. My parents, I am sure, would not believe that I have kept myself pure. I have gone out with many guys, but I have not engaged in sexual intercourse. I hope to return to Jamaican after I have done some more work in the medical field. I hope that when the time comes, I will find a good man, preferably a Jamaican, who would marry me.

D.C.

Dear D.C.,

I have said in the past, and now I repeat, there are many Jamaican men who believe that whenever a girl goes out with them, she automatically becomes his girlfriend.

That is not what dating is about. In fact, I have encouraged girls to date a number of men, and the boys must date a considerable number of women, before they make up their minds about who would make a suitable husband or wife. This young man who you went out with felt that you should have had sex with him because he has a claim on you. He had no claim on you. He was a silly fellow. I lift my hat to you; you were a wise young lady and you knew how to protect yourself.

You love dancing and nothing is really wrong with that. However, I weigh my words because I have seen some young people engage in dancing, and it is vulgarity to the extreme. You found a way to beat your parents. They thought that they were wise, but you knew how to get your clothes that you wore on the dance floor to be washed.

I wish you well. Work hard; become a wonderful doctor. Your movements on the dance floor will help you to fight stress, so keep on dancing.

Pastor