I have no love for my awful stepfather

Dear Pastor,

I am 17 and I am the only child for my mother. I grew up not knowing my father, but when I was five, my mother got involved with a man who became my stepfather.

I lived with my grandmother and my mother. After my mother met this man, she used to stay out of the house sometimes for a whole week. Then she went to live with him. My grandmother took care of me. I missed my mother, but I came to the place where I loved my grandmother more. When I did not see my mother, my grandmother was always there. But my grandmother always told me that my mother was going to take me whenever she was sure about my stepfather. One weekend my mother moved out and took me with her. I remember crying because I did not want to leave my grandmother.

My mother told me that I should call my stepfather 'uncle', so I did. By the Sunday, I told my mother that I wanted to go home so that I could go to school. My grandmother was living very close to the school. My mother took me home and I told my grandmother that I did not want to live with my mother. But a few days later, my mother came back for me and told me that she had found another school for me to attend, and that my stepfather likes me. So, my grandmother told me that I should listen to my mother, who took me away again.

This man had his own house and I had a room for myself, but I spoke to my grandmother every day. One day my stepfather and my mother had a fuss and I heard when he told her, "You don't come from anywhere; how come you don't know where to find the man who got you pregnant? Where is your child's father?" My mother said, "Why you had to talk so loud? My son doesn't have to hear what you are saying." I was about 10 years old. My mother did not know that I heard the conversation, but when she took me to visit my grandmother, I told her everything that I heard and that I am not going back. So when my mother came for me, my grandmother told her what I heard and said that she should leave me. My mother said she would not force me to come back to live with her.

My grandmother paid a taxi to take me to school every day and I was happy. I have seven subjects and I love computer science. I am hoping to attend UTech. My mother is very proud of me and the man she is living with is not treating her well. I hate him. He has been trying to befriend me, but I don't care for him at all. My grandmother is a good Christian lady and she has brought me up in her church.

I have a girlfriend and she is two years older than I am. My grandmother treats her as her very own. I have my tuition for the first year of university. My girlfriend is my also attending UTech. I would like to see my mother leave my so-called stepfather. I don't trust him and I don't want him to hurt her.

E.L.

Dear E.L.,

Evidently, this man you call 'uncle' was never in favour of having you living at his house or he didn't respect your mother at all.

If your mother and this man had a disagreement, he should have spoken to her quietly and not curse her. He knew that your mother did not know where to find your father. Some men who develop relationships with single mothers do not necessarily love the children, and sometimes they believe that they are spending too much money on them. You were old enough to know what love is. You experienced love and affection from your grandmother and eventually, your mother yielded to your request and allowed you to stay with her.

I am happy that you did well in high school and that you are on your way to university; I wish you well. Do not hold any animosity against your stepfather. Your mother knows why she is still with him. I hope that you would cherish the love that you have for your girlfriend. Both of you are very young. Your grandmother loves her and would be able to give both of you proper guidance.

Pastor