Had to convince my elderly parents to get married

Dear Pastor,

I am living in rural Jamaica and I grew up in a loving home. I have two brothers and one sister.

My parents were not married until the children were grown and we encouraged them to do it. Once I asked my mother why they were not married and she said that our father never asked her. I asked her, "Why didn't you ask him to marry you?" She said "That would not be ladylike. A woman shouldn't have to ask a man to marry her; the man should propose to her." So one day, my father was relaxing and I took glass of coconut water for him, sat down next to him and asked him why he had never proposed. He said that he was never sure that she wanted to get married, but he is not against marrying her.

I told him that my mother would love to get baptised and become a member of her church, but she would love him to marry her first. My father laughed and said he would not know how to propose at that stage, but her name is in the bank account and enough money is there to buy a ring if she wants one, but he does not want neighbours to know that they were never married.

So I called my mother and told her what dad said and it was a big joke to listen to them. My father said "So you want to get married?" and she said "What kind of question that you are asking me?" She did not reply, but my father told me to take her to the store and let her choose the ring. Then I should take her to a certain pastor who knows him. I did what I was told and I told my siblings that we were going to have a wedding. The pastor came to the house and officiated the wedding. Only our close relatives were invited. We cooked goat and rice and peas, and we had a family dinner at the reception. One of my aunts baked a lovely wedding cake. My mother was the proudest woman.

Two weeks after her wedding, she got baptised. Not even the minister of the church knew that she was not married. So to all the women living with men who are not married, speak up and let the men know that they should propose. As my mother said, it is the man who should propose.

Two of my brothers are living with their girlfriends and when my father was giving the groom's reply, he mentioned that my mother said he did not propose to her and that is why they never got married. So he turned to my brothers and told them that they should not be like him, they should propose to their girlfriends. Much laughter erupted.

P.M.

Dear P.M.,

Your parents love each other, but from the reaction of your mother, you knew that she was longing for your father to marry her.

He took it for granted that as a good provider, he did not have to get married and your mother believed that he should have taken the initiative to propose to her. Your letter reminds me of a family in which the parents were living together for many years. Their children all became adults, went to university and had excellent jobs, but it bothered the children that their parents were not married. They spoke to me about it and I told them that I would travel to rural Jamaica and officiate at the wedding, and that is exactly what I did. Their parents were very happy and the children were overwhelmed. Their father gave their mother a beautiful wedding ring. I felt very pleasing that the children took the initiative to see that their parents were able to tie the knot.

I am glad that your parents did not feel upset because you encouraged them to be married; and that is exactly what they did. Your mother felt free to attend her church and be baptised. Your father, on the wedding day, encouraged his sons to propose to their women and get married. Please, don't make excuses for not marrying the women with whom you have lived or with whom you are in love.

Pastor