Mother pushing me to leave home and ‘tek man’

Dear Pastor,

I am an 18-year-old and I'm constantly being told by my mother who hates me that it's is time for me to leave home and go and take man. She said when she was my age, she started to take men to survive and her mother knew about it so I should stop putting pressure on my father and learn to stand on my own.

Whenever she says these things my father was not around, so one day I decided to ask my father whether he wanted me to leave the house. I asked him and he said "no, I can stay as long as I want". In fact, he would like to know that I go on to college.

He asked me if I have a boyfriend and I told him "no".

He wanted to find out why I asked him about whether he wants me to leave. I told him that my mother is always telling me that it is time for me to have a man. He said that is how my mother's people grew up, they started to have men early but he does not want me to be like that. He told me not to let my mother know that we had such a conversation.

I don't know if my father has ever cheated on my mother, but I suspect that my mother has cheated on him because my mother loves money.

I would love to have a good mother and daughter relationship, but I have never had that with my mother. But I have confidence in my father.

If my mother is speaking on her phone and I knock and she is in her room, she turns her phone off or she says to the person on the other side of the line, "I will call you back", and sometimes I wonder whether she is speaking to a male lover.

To tell you the truth, I do not trust my mother.

My father is an easy going man. He does not fuss with my mother. He provides for the home. I have never gone hungry and whatever I want, my father gives to me.

I want to become a teacher so very soon I would be going to college and my father has promised to support me through teacher's college.

I am the only child of my parents. My mother told me that my father has spoiled me and she is sorry she does not have more children because as she looks back on what we have, my father is going to give me everything. So she is hoping that she would outlive my father and do what she wants to do with what they have.

F.P.

Dear F.P.,

Your mother is a sick woman. In the first place, she does not have good morals. She should not be encouraging you to go on the street and to become sexually involved with men because when a woman tells her daughter that is time for her to "tek man" she means that she should live loosely and that is not good advice from a mother to her daughter. Shame on your mother.

On the other hand, your father is a good man. He does not want you to live a careless life. He has been supporting you well and you should continue to love him.

Your mother should not be jealous of the relationship that he is having with his daughter. What she should do is to have a good relationship with you also.

You suspect that your mother is having extra-marital affairs. You cannot prove that, but the way she conducts herself is causing you to feel that way.

Do not say anything to your father about how you feel about your mother. Please don't.

Only a very bad mother would warn her daughter that she would not get much from her even if her father goes before her. I wish you well.

Pastor.