Friends think I’m weird for being a 16-y-o virgin

Dear Pastor,

I am 16 and most of my friends have boyfriends. Some of them are sexually active.

When I tell them I have never had sex, they think I am weird. I grew up in a very strict home and I became a Christian when I was 11 years old. I have three brothers, but none of them followed my mother's advice. They always listen to my father. They are older than me. My father took them everywhere he went. My brothers started to drink and smoke while they were in their teens.

My mother always quarrels with my father about leading the boys the wrong way. My father did not smoke ganja, and so that is the only thing I remember him cautioning my brothers about. He said that ganja is not good, so my brothers did not smoke it. But I remember hearing my father telling my brothers that they should get as many women as they can, but they should protect themselves. When my brothers went out with girls, they used to come back and tell me that they scored, meaning that they were able to get these girls to have sex with them.

I remember that one day when my mother was about to do the washing, she took up one of my brother's brief and called him and told him that he should wash it himself, because she was not going to put that in the washing machine or wash it by hand. It had blood all over it. My brother just said, "Sorry mom," and he took it from her and washed it himself.

I am graduating from high school very soon, and I will be on my way to college in America. I have a boyfriend and he has been begging me to have sex with him before I leave. He told me that if I have sex with him, he will never have another girlfriend until I return. He cannot tell me how that would prevent him from having sex with another girl. Although my father told my brothers that they can have sex with different girls, he is always warning me to be careful. I know he would be so disappointed if he found out that I was having sex, so I am trying to remain a virgin

Apart from being very wild, my dad is a good father. He doesn't have outside children, and he gives me anything I ask him for. He loves my mother and when he does anything wrong, he is always asking her for pardon. Sometimes when I see my parents play together, it is like they are children. I would like my husband to be like my father. My mother does not have anything to worry about. He told my brothers that he would never take any disease to their mother, so when they are going around with women, they should always wear 'boots'.

D.T.

Dear D.T.,

Your letter reminds me of a call I got from a man who had sons. He did not think highly of women.

He said he told his sons that they should have sex with as many women as they could get. In describing what his boys should do to women, he did not use the word 'sex', he used the 'F' word. Your father has not gone that far, at least he did not tell them that he doesn't respect women. But he wanted his boys to 'have fun'. But he also told them to protect themselves from STIs and from impregnating these women. At the same time, he wants you as his daughter to remain chaste and not to be used by men.

I am glad that you have committed yourself to Christ and that you are not listening or allowing peer pressure to cause you to become promiscuous. I am glad that you are going to be entering college, and I wish you well as you go abroad.

Pastor