My girlfriend is too eager to make love

October 07, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am a 30-year-old man. I became a Christian. I did not grow up in the church, but I started to attend church when my friends invited me. I got to like the church and I became active. I met a girl in the church who told me that she loved me. I liked her too, but it didn't take me long to find out that she was not the type of girl that I would want to be my wife.

She confided in me that she used to sell sex on the street. I told her that if she was no longer prostituting herself, I would not hold that against her. She said it was only a couple of times since she became a Christian that she had done so. Her explanation was that she could not afford to pay her rent and didn't know what to do. She turned to an old client and offered him some sex and he gave her enough money to pay her rent. She did so again after a few months when she had to pay a bill and didn't have any money. She claimed that those were the only two instances that she gave her body in exchange for money.

I used to visit her often, but whenever I went to her house she was all over me, and touching me on my private area. I always had to be pulling away. She said she found it difficult to resist me. This girl is very beautiful. It is hard to resist her. However, I have not yielded to the temptation of making love to her. I have told her to get a roommate who would share the bills with her. She doesn't want anybody to live in the apartment with her, except me. I am not interested in that because I am afraid of her.

She is working. She has a better job now. She is always questioning me about when I will be ready to have sex with her. I told her when we are married. She said she doesn't believe she can hold on so long. I told her if I can hold on, she should be able to hold on.

Pastor, some of the things she used to do on the street, I am not willing to do them. I am wondering if I have made a mistake by becoming her boyfriend. I really love her. I would love to have a woman with whom I can have a beautiful and godly relationship, and with whom I can produce children. This girl even discussed anal sex with me, and I am not interested in that.

ADMIRING

There is another girl in the church that I have been admiring. She is very quiet. I have not approached her, but I am afraid that if we were to become friends, a conflict may develop between the girl I am with now and the new girl and myself. When I became friendly with this girl, my pastor asked me if I was very sure what I was doing and I told him yes. He said he was sure that I was making the right decision. I think the pastor should have told me what he knew about her instead of allowing me to become involved with her.

This other girl is very nice, but as I said, she is quiet. The most she has said to me since I have been in that church is "Hello, how are you?" I was told that she works for the city and she is still living at home with her parents. I am really confused. I love my present girlfriend and I thought I would have been able to settle down with her, but right now I am not sure.

Please give me your opinion.

E.

Dear E.,

Your present girlfriend has not gone with any other man since the both of you have become intimate friends. She is an honest girl. She told you the life she has lived and what she has done even after becoming a Christian. You became her man after hearing these things. However, because you see how eager she is to have sex with you, you are beginning to wonder whether you should have become her boyfriend at all.

Here is the good thing about this girl. Since she has been with you, she has not gone with another man. You are the only man in her life. You have been saying no to her request to have sex with you. I think you can continue doing so and giving her good reasons for refusing her request. I do not see any reason why you should stop dating this girl. Take her out to places where it will not be convenient to have sex. When you take her home, you may walk her as far as the door, but leave immediately after. If she questions why you are leaving immediately, tell her that you do not want the both of you to be tempted to do wrong.

Take your eyes off the other girl in your church. You will be creating problems in the church if you try to become involved with this other girl. That's the way I see it at the moment.

Pastor

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