Worried about my wedding night

October 05, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 23 years old and I am having a problem. I am a Christian and I am getting married very soon. The problem is that my fiance lives in Canada and he could only get leave to come to Jamaica at a particular time.

So, we have planned our wedding for that time. But I will be seeing my period and that is going to mess up my honeymoon. I talked to my fiance about it and he said that he cannot change the time, and we have already printed our invitations. I really wasn't thinking about the clash of the wedding and my time of the month. When I remind him about it, he says that he is not coming to Jamaica to marry and go back to Canada 'dry'.

I spoke to my mother and she told me that that is not something for me to fret about. She said that she and my dad have sex all the time while she is seeing her menses and she enjoys it. I was told that the Bible is against a man and a woman going to bed during that period. That is what some of my Christian friends told me. Some folks even call that nastiness. I blame myself. My fiance has already paid the hotel for the reception and we have also paid down on the place where we would spend a week before he goes back. I will not discuss this with my pastor. So I turn to you for advice. Please help me, give me the very best advice.

L.N.

Dear L.N.,

I am glad to know that you are a Christian and that you are getting married. You have a right to be concerned about the situation that you have mentioned.

It is unfortunate that the date of your wedding cannot be changed. I suggest therefore that you go to see your family doctor as soon as possible for advice on this matter.

Do not tell people your business. They may spread it around the place. I mean also your church people. You know how church people sometimes can chat. I know you might have sought advice from them, so the best person to talk to is your doctor, preferably a gynaecologist.

Your fiance is looking forward to excitement on your wedding night. And from the tone of your letter, you don't want to disappoint him. I hope that he will not be angry with you. I hope that he will understand the situation and encourage you to find out from your doctor what can be done to stop the period. For your boyfriend to change his leave, he would have to have very good reasons. The venue of the wedding can change, but you may not get back all the money you have paid. But the leave for your man to come to Jamaica will be a big problem. So, I say again, go and see your doctor.

There are things that people say that can be done, but I don't want to mention them here. Let us hear from your doctor. Your mother told you what your dad and her do, even during her menses. She was very frank with you. But some Christian people would say 'bun that.' I think it is fair for me to say that some women feel very horny whenever they are seeing their period and they literally demand sex from their husbands. Maybe your mother falls in that category. But you are a young girl and you do not have that experience. I think I have said enough.

Pastor

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