Babyfather’s ex-wife hates my child

October 05, 2022

Dear Pastor,

I am 30 and I have a two-year-old child for a 53-year-old man. This man was once married and lived in America with his wife and children.

He started to do business with some Jamaicans and he came here and I met him. I fell in love with him and he told me that he was married. But he said he and his wife were not getting along. I had a boyfriend and I told him that I met this man who was interested in me, but he was married. My boyfriend and I laughed at the whole situation. This man was away for seven months, but he called me every day and told me that he intended to divorce his wife. He said that his wife started going out with several guys.

He came back to Jamaica for one weekend and I went to see him at his hotel. We had unprotected sex and I became pregnant. This man divorced his wife and she told me on the phone that I could have him. I felt so bad because I did not want to get between them. My boyfriend and I remained friends. He helped me through the pregnancy. Anything I wanted, I called on him. Some people thought he was the babyfather. I told my mother and grandmother about the baby. They were very understanding, but were surprised that my boyfriend was still sticking around. When it was time for me to give birth, he was the one who took me to the hospital. He even helped me in buying things to prepare for the baby. The baby's father has been supporting me. I left my job so that I could spend time with the baby. My mother and grandmother are helping me.

This man told me that he told his children that they have a sister in Jamaica, so they told their mother. Thanksgiving is coming up and he wants to go to America to spend it with his children and he wants to me to meet with everybody. His ex-wife has declared that I should not come to her house and she does not want her children to meet my daughter. I told him he should go without me, but he is adamant.

I have not done anything wrong. I will not be staying at her house. I can't understand what she has against my daughter.

F.D.

Dear F.D.,

When this man came to Jamaica and met you, you fell in love with him. He told you he was married, but there was a window of opportunity for you because he and his wife were not getting along. When he left Jamaica and went home, both of you spoke on the phone every day and you told your boyfriend that you met this man. Why did your boyfriend and yourself laugh about the matter? Was it because both of you felt that you could have used this man for your own gain?

If your boyfriend had told you not to have anything to do with this man, and insisted that you should end the friendship, would you have gone to the hotel to visit him? Did you go to the hotel because you loved him or because you wanted his money? This man did not spare you. I am assuming that he gave you money and he wanted sex from you in return. Whether you would like to admit it or not, your relationship has contributed to the destruction of his marriage.

The first time you met him, he told you that he and his wife were not getting along well. This is what married men tell young women when they want to have an affair. Sometimes after they have slept with these young women, they say that they are trying to mend the relationships with their wives, so they cannot go with them any more.

You cannot be sure that this man is telling you the whole truth. He wants to go to America to spend Thanksgiving with his children and to take you to meet them. His ex-wife is angry and doesn't want her children to meet their sister. It is true that your daughter hasn't done this woman anything, but she has not fully got over what her ex-husband has done. I would love for you to see that.

I suggest that you tell this man that the timing is not right and that you are not prepared to go to America with your daughter and embarrass yourself. The time will come when they will get to know her. If your grandmother and mother would continue to assist you with the child, you should go back to work. Don't rely on the child's father to support you fully.

I do not wish to accuse you and your boyfriend of anything. It is good that he has tried to assist you during your pregnancy. But I rather suspect that he believes that he can get something out of the relationship that you and this man are having.

Pastor

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