My woman refuses to say ‘I love you’

October 07, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am in a situation and it is difficult to know what to do. I have three children with a woman. We are living together. We would have been married long ago but she told me that she loved me but wasn't in love with me. She said that when we had been living together for five years. I wanted to find out how she could love me but not be in love with me. She said she was in love with her first boyfriend but he left her for another woman and she is still in love with him. She said that she sees me as a nice guy but she has never been in love with me. It has been 15 years that we have been together and I have never gone to be with another woman. I also cannot accuse her of having another man with me, but I don't know what to do because I have turned over my life to Christ and I don't want to continue to live with her and we are not married. How can I still be with a woman who still tells me that she is not in love with me? Don't you think that whenever she meets a man that she is in love with she will go with him? This is the woman I love. She is my children's mother. We own a house together. We are still paying mortgage but we can call it our own. She has never rejected me in bed but she does not tell me that she loves me. I don't know what to do and I don't know what to say but I want you to tell me what's going on.


Dear U.G.,

This woman seems to be heartless. I wonder if she is really thinking. What does she really want? She loves you and both of you have three children together. It is difficult to understand her because although she told you years ago that she was not in love with you, both of you went on to have more children and to purchase a house together. I suppose that you felt that she would eventually be in love with you. Is it that she sees you as a man who would take care of a home and a woman, and meet her sexual needs, but as soon as that woman meets a man who she believes that she is in love with she will go with him? I confess that this is a difficult matter to deal with. Women have told me in the past that they are not in love with the men they are with, but they stay for many reasons. It is hard to understand these types of relationships. You have a real challenge on your hands. It's a peril because you want to serve the Lord and you want to get married, but she evidently is not interested in getting married to you. I would say to you, Sir, go ahead, don't allow her to prevent you from serving God. In your mind she is still your wife although many people may not consider her to be legal. I suggest that you ask the minister from your church to meet with both of you and try to show her why it is important for you to get married. I believe that this woman loves you but somehow not as deeply as her first boyfriend.


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