My husband just won’t stop cheating

October 05, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I want your advice, please. I am a 35-year-old woman and I have two children. I have a good job and that is what is saving me why I have not gone crazy.

My husband and I have been married for 15 years. Our first child was born before we were married. My husband will not behave himself. He has always had other women.

He gave me a disease. I forgave him. I went even as far as to buy a whole box of condoms for him. I told him that since he can't control himself, use the condoms. He said he was not going to go out any more but I kept checking and the number of condoms was going down. So I talked to him about it and he didn't answer. I told him that when he is having sex with me he should use one but he has refused to do so, and is now accusing me of seeing other men. I know my husband. He supports his home well but he cannot keep his weenie in his pants. These women who he is playing around with are not getting his money because I know what he earns and I literally control what he earns. So I asked him what these girls get from him and he said it is the same thing he used to give me. Pastor, he is a great lover but he lies a lot. I told my pastor that I am tempted to leave my husband and he is discouraging me from doing so, but I cannot be free with my husband in bed. This man loves his children and he will do anything for them. Very soon our house will be fully paid for but the problem is this man and his penis. What do you suggest I do?

I don't know what time my husband gets to play around with these women because he is always home soon after he leaves work. I try not to say anything bad about my husband because his children love him very much, especially our daughter. Whenever her father comes home if she is not online doing schoolwork she washes his feet in a basin. He loves that. He gives her anything that she asks. He has spoiled the children. I am not interested in another man but I would just want my husband to stick with me alone but I don't know what to do.

K.G.

Dear K.G.,

You did not mention this man's age but clearly he considers that one woman is not enough for him and that is not unusual.

But please understand that I am not saying that it is right for a man to do so. He is not running out of steam at all. He knows that you are a good woman, a good wife and a good mother to his children, and I am very sure he would stand up for you at any time. But it seems as if sex is a big problem. He is never satisfied. I could see that some people would say that you are to be blamed for not satisfying your husband but you are not to be blamed. Your husband is a sex addict and he needs professional help. But he is not going to seek help unless he comes to realise that he has a problem. No one is willing to seek professional help regardless of what other people might think unless they recognise that they have a problem. Some women have bought their men condoms and encouraged them to use them if they know that they are going to cheat. You bought a whole box so some folks might say that you are encouraging him to cheat. You know that you are trying to protect him and protect yourself from getting sexual transmitted infections, including AIDS. Try to reason with your husband. I know you have done so before, but this time tell him that you cannot continue to live with him unless he decides to change and he is willing to go to see a psychologist or even a sex therapist. Please let me know whether or not you have been successful.

Pastor

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