Divorcing my ungrateful husband

October 05, 2021

Dear Pastor,

Thank you for your column. I read it every time it is published. I admire your forthrightness and the advice you give is very helpful. I am almost 30 years old and I am going through a divorce. I grew up in the church and so did my husband. When we started to date, my mother told me that I should take care of him and I should not even look at another man. I was fortunate to grow up at home with my parents who showed me real love. We were not in need of anything.

My husband comes from a home where his parents did not have much so when I started to work I helped him to go to university. As soon as he started to attend university he changed. I used to buy everything for him such as clothes, and women started to admire him and he was admiring them. He started to tell me that my skirts were too long and I should show a little bit more skin. I knew right away that something wasn't going right. I didn't need a man to give me anything so I did not have to seek a man apart from my husband. I gave my husband everything he needed. I would pick him up after classes, then he started to tell me that he would find a ride home.

I found out that he was getting rides from a woman who was also a student. I asked my husband how far their relationship had gone and whether he had sex with this girl and he said that my thoughts were filthy. I told him that he should not take any more rides from her and he told her. To my surprise she called me. I do not know how she got my number and she called me and told me that she is younger than I am and it is because I don't know how to keep my man why she is having a relationship with him. I was angry but I did not want to respond to her. I told my husband that he could stay with me and behave himself or stay with her and hit the road. I also complained to his father and his father spoke to him, but he continued with the girl. So I filed for divorce and it is going through. I had a boyfriend before my husband but we never had sex.

Now we are talking again. I have wasted my money on my husband but I am glad we do not have children and I am glad that we have not been married for even five years. He came with empty hands and he will leave with empty hands.

N.H.

Dear N.H.,

No one should blame you for putting out your husband and for filing for divorce. You have tried to reason with him but he is ungrateful. He has behaved as a fool so this is the only way out. I believe that he is going to regret his behaviour. He can never forget how good you have been to him. He has not been a wise man. Wish him well and leave him alone. Concerning the guy with whom you were friendly before you got married, you haven't said whether you still like him or whether he still likes you. Don't be careless. Keep in touch with the guy. As the months go buy you would determine whether the both of you have a future together.

Pastor

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