Think I chose the wrong lover

February 24, 2021

Dear Pastor,

I am having a problem. I am now 23 years old and I met a guy here years ago at my aunt's wedding. My aunt lives in America and she came to Jamaica to marry her children's father.

The guy and my aunt are very good friends. So he wanted to be at her wedding. We hit it off all right, but he only appeared to be a gentleman. At the reception he was trying to convince me to leave the hotel and go to his room. I told him I did not even know him, and he said we will get to know each other more there. I could not believe that this man who I just met wanted to go to bed with me the very first day.

We exchanged numbers. He was leaving to go back to America on the Sunday; the wedding was Saturday. Before going back to the country, I told my aunt what happened and how this guy said he loved me. My aunt told me that she would speak to him because as far as she knew, he was living with his children's mother. He was not a free man.

He called me and I told him that I was not interested in him because he had his woman and his children. I asked him if what I heard was true and he said it was, but from the time he saw me, he fell in love with me and he would marry me and take me to America, and he would still take care of his children in the States because he knew that every Jamaican girl wanted to have an opportunity to go to America. I told him yes, I would live in America, but it must not be the way he would like me to do it. Pastor, I am now pregnant and this man who got me pregnant can't even help me. Both of us are in the tourist industry and we have to be bouncing here and there to get some food.

The man who came to my aunt's wedding still calls me and I told him that I was pregnant. He said he still loved me and would help me but whatever we talked about, I should not tell my aunt. Sometimes I say to myself, if I had gone with that man, I might be better off. Did I make a mistake, Pastor?

G.R.

Dear G.R.,

This man thought you were a simple girl who would be willing to go to bed with him at the snap of his finger. You disappointed him. He wanted you to prostitute yourself, but you kept your dignity. Unfortunately, you are now pregnant, and because the man who got you pregnant is not working, you think you have made a mistake by not getting sexually involved with the foreigner. The foreigner says that he would assist you. If he offers financial help to you, of course you should take it, but there should be no strings attached, so to speak. You should not give him the impression at all that you want to have an intimate relationship with him to get to America.

Pastor

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