I feel like a failure

Dear Pastor,

I am 20 years old and I'm in a deep state of depression. I applied for entry to the Jamaica Defence Force (JDF) last year and failed because I had scoliosis, and every time I see a friend or someone I know graduating from training, my heart aches more.

I started working at a call centre, and I was working there until last week. I'm from a community where it seems as if no one wants to see young people become successful.

I had to leave home at 4 a.m. every day to catch a bus for my 6:30 shift, and sometimes I returned home at 7 p.m. or 8 p.m. but I didn't complain.

Most of the men in my community would hurl threats at me daily whenever I was going to work or whenever I was just walking. I'm so depressed right now.

I called the nearest police station and the lawmen said I had to come there to make the complaint. This isn't the first time I'm receiving threats from men in my community.

Every day all that's running through my mind is what if I actually got through with the JDF; nobody would dare talk to me like that. Sometimes I ask God if my sins are greater than anyone else's. Why do I have to go through all this?

Sometimes I even think of committing suicide, but I don't want to be selfish. I know my sisters, mother and my nephews love me dearly, and I don't want to be selfish by doing that. I just need some advice, please.

T.M.

Dear T.M.,

I thank you for writing, and I pray that God will help you to overcome your problems. You are very discouraged and you feel that although you are such a young person, you are a failure in life.

I want to encourage you by assuring you that although you were not accepted to join the army, you are not a failure. Perhaps the good Lord does not want you in the army because he has greater plans for you.

What I would suggest to you is that you make an appointment to see a counsellor who can assist you in choosing another career. Who knows? You may wish to pursue a degree in business. Have you ever considered attending the University of Technology? Perhaps you may want to consider becoming an engineer. What I am trying to say is that you should not be sorry for yourself. You can become a very important person in Jamaica because you are ambitious and you want to make an impact on society.

Concerning the men in your area, do not take their threats lightly. In fact, you have not been doing so. You complained to the police and they told you that you should come in to see them to make the complaint in person. I would encourage you to do so. Get a copy of whatever you say to the police. Make sure you have the date and everything correct. Give a copy of the statement to someone you can trust. If you know the names of these men who are always threatening you, give that to the police.

Please, don't allow discouragement to hinder you from making progress. Put away suicide from your thoughts. Pray every day for strength. God loves you. Be positive. Read your Bible and go to church. I will be praying for you. Please, keep in touch with me.

Pastor